If a man wants a woman, he begins to be friends with her. Why?
You can come up with a prettier: “I love you, so I want to!” That’s right, the girls like this interpretation more. And what really is the basis of friendship and love? For starters, definitions. What is friendship? I want to say right away that there is no clear definition, probably it cannot be. To begin, I’ll give you this: “FRIENDSHIP is one of the types of personal relationships. Unlike functional, business relations, where one person uses another as a means to achieve some goal, friendship is valuable, it is a blessing in itself; friends help each other disinterestedly, “not for service, but for friendship.” Unlike kinship, family affinity and partnership, whose members are connected by common affiliation and the bonds of group solidarity, friendship is individually selective, free and based on mutual sympathy. Unlike superficial friendship, friendship is a deep and intimate relationship, involving not only loyalty and mutual assistance, but also inner intimacy, frankness, trust, love. No wonder we call our friend alter ego (“the other Self”). By the nature of its motivation, friendship is different from lovingly-erotic, sexual feelings and relationships. ” Encyclopedia “Around the World.” Everything in the heap in this definition, and self-worth, and sympathy, disinterestedness, intimacy, trust, love. Let’s look at the psychology of relationships. Photo: Depositphotos Friendship is valuable, it is a blessing in itself; friends help each other disinterestedly, “not in service, but in friendship.” There is a suspicion that this wording is a common romantic cliche, beautiful, strong, sung in movies, poems and novels, but far from reality. Not all friendships are good, and in itself it does not cost anything without being filled with concrete actions, deeds, and also understanding the motives of these deeds. There is no more common manipulation than the phrase “not for service, but for friendship”, for example: “Take my mother-in-law to the airport.” It seems like a friend, it’s not convenient to refuse, I’ll take it. This phrase refers to the learned stamp – a friend must always be helped. So at one party in the club one young man approached another and asked to hold a small bag in his pocket, otherwise the riot police came up, he explained, because I have a criminal record, “not for service, but for friendship”, we are friends. The second friend took the package, and, accordingly, sat down for eight years for the storage and distribution of narcotic drugs on an especially large scale. That’s right, a friend had to help. The phrase “friends help each other disinterestedly” sounds beautiful and convincing. Yes, as a rule, they don’t take money, but they know that today I will unselfishly help you, and tomorrow you will help me. If one constantly provides services disinterestedly and the other does nothing in response, then claims arise: you are a bad friend. In other words, there is an exchange of mutually beneficial services, and if such an exchange is honest – well, people are unselfishly friends, and if not, friendship can end. Why such a friend who is unreliable, that is, there is no hope of receiving help or support from him. Therefore, the word “disinterestedly” implies a simple truth: friends do not do good deeds for money, but they hope for reciprocal services. Photo: Depositphotos “Friendship is a deep and intimate relationship, involving not only loyalty and mutual assistance, but also inner intimacy, frankness, trust, love.” All is well, it remains only to define what “loyalty”, “inner closeness”, “frankness”, “trust”, “love” are. It is completely incomprehensible how friendship implies love. Which one? There are many kinds of love. It can be assumed – friendly love, but then, for starters, again we need to decide on “love” and then formulate how friendly differs from unfriendly (probably enemy). Why do we need definitions that raise more questions than answers? Here is a shorter one. Friendship is “close relations based on mutual trust, affection, common interests” (Ozhegov’s Explanatory Dictionary). We will analyze it too. Close relationships are an intuitive stamp, but I wonder what measures the closeness of relationships. Is there a degree of intimacy and when do they cease to be so? With confidence it is more understandable, this is the belief that what is said, trusted to a friend, will not be used to the detriment of the speaker. Attachment – dependence on any goods, spiritual, material, emotional, which gives another person. Often affections are painful. If a friend ceases to feed emotional experiences, then not a friend? Can I make a complaint? Photo: Depositphotos Common interests – probably the most accurate thing that defines friendship, and the most common. Usually, out of a community of interests, friendship appears. Sport, music, recreation together, etc. This implies some activity that brings people together, they are interested in together, but the common cause is not an unconditional and sufficient basis for friendship.