Where does envy come from and how to get rid of it?
Old saying: “The donkey of the neighbor died. I don’t care about either the neighbor or the donkey, but it’s still nice! ”No, this is not envy yet, but quite a bit of gloating has formed itself. Photo: Depositphotos And the point is not that the neighbor’s failures please. As it was said – in fact, he does not care. But here’s the trick: the diminished donkey population in the neighbour’s crib is a clear proof that the neighbor, it turns out, is much worse at coping with the main task – survival. A neighbor survives worse! And it is not this fact that pleases, but the fact that, against its background, own affairs are presented much more much. Moreover, their own donkeys. Now imagine that the neighbor donkey does not think to die at all. Moreover, by some miracle, it multiplied, and now the neighbor has a whole herd of donkeys. Moreover, the neighbor got the audacity and gave you one donkey. So to speak, from the gentleman’s shoulder. Because he has a whole herd, and you have a miserable pair of donkeys. So he was generous. In a friendly way, by the way, in a neighborly way. What emotions will arise in such a situation? It would seem that everything should begin and end with gratitude. In the end, the neighbor was not at all obligated to donate a donkey, and as for having a whole herd, this is his personal, neighborly business. But human imperfection! Instead or together with gratitude, a very unpleasant feeling arises. For example, the desire to strangle the entire neighboring herd of donkeys. Or overdo it. Or burn a barn. Or … In general, to spoil a neighbor in some way. Although, pay attention, this very neighbor did nothing wrong and did not even wish. Photo: Depositphotos But here it is, a feeling of envy. And it’s not a herd of donkeys that causes him, but the fact that a neighbor has better survival. That is, the legs still grow from the same place where we started: when a donkey dies in a neighbor, then with all the indifference to the unfortunate fallen animal, a warm pleasant feeling arises. Because the neighbor’s donkey died, not his own. Because if the neighbor’s donkey is dead, then the neighbor survives worse. But if he has a whole herd, and in his native crib is empty, then this means that with us, things are bad with survival. There is a reason for envy! A similar situation was brilliantly described by Alexander Green in “Enchanting Story.” Three friends go to the mountains for gold. The first leaves the race at the very beginning, frightened by possible dangers. The second reaches the foot of the mountains, but remains a farm worker, seduced by the tranquility of farm life and fascinated by the farmer’s daughter. And only the third goes to the end. He returns with a bag full of gold, and the farmer makes a claim, claiming that a friend betrayed him, leaving him on the farm, and now the friend is a millionaire, and he remained poor. Then a friend, rich at the cost of terrible deprivation, gives him a glass of golden sand. In return, instead of gratitude, he receives a note where he is called greedy and treacherous, because from his enormous wealth – generously paid for by his health and torment – he singled out only the “miserable part”! Giotto di Bondone, “Envy” Source: artchive.ru It is characteristic that the hero of Green, envious of a rich friend, goes to his relative, with the help of whom he hopes to get rich too, and much more than a friend. That is, he is going to demonstrate better survival capabilities than the one that overcame all the horrors and dangers by mining gold in the mountains. At the same time, in the psychology of relations, something else is much more interesting: most people who want to overpower a neighboring herd of donkeys will immediately rush to help this neighbor if he suddenly loses his donkey wealth. For example, if donkeys take a break on their own. Moreover, those who help will be completely sincere and will sympathize with the neighbor with all their heart. But all this sympathy and help will manifest itself only when there is conclusive evidence that the neighbor survives worse. This is where the way is buried to get rid of envy, which, by the way, for the most part is a destructive, destructive feeling for its carrier, worsening its life in all aspects. To get rid of this, you just need to be sure that your own way of survival is optimal for you. Own, not a stranger. Does the neighbor have a herd of donkeys? Let be! But they need to be looked after. And yet – the waste products of the herd aromatize much more strongly than if we are talking about one donkey. And in general, who needs it, a whole herd, mess with it! It is worth trusting yourself, loving yourself, and you do not need to compare yourself with someone. Each has its own flock, its donkeys. And so be it. Each – with his own. And that is exactly good. So does it make sense for the fish to envy the birds? And vice versa … Be happy and do not look through someone else’s fence. Photo: Depositphotos Everyone has their own charms in life, their miracles, their joys. You need to accept them and be happy without looking through the neighboring fence.