Why is he not getting married?
“How to make him marry,” “10 ways to drag a man to the registry office” … And again, “How to marry him.” Feel the mood, huh? I’ll leave aside the thought of why forcing someone to do something in a relationship. To begin with, I propose to understand in which cases a man wants to marry, and in which – no. On the male side, there are two necessary (but not sufficient) conditions for marriage: 1. He reached the stage of emotional maturity. 2. He decided on the choice of a woman. And in that order. Point one means that the man found himself, or at least felt confident in his abilities. That he knows his worth, understands where he wants to live, which of his plans are real and how to make sure that he reaches his goal. In other words, he has something to offer the woman. This is for girls the word “marriage” often means “white dress”, “uracholechko”, “status of a married woman” and so on. For Men, this word primarily means “responsibility.” And those comrades who are familiar with this word do not want to marry until his position does not correspond to what, in his understanding, the husband should do. Boys are afraid of responsibility in principle, men are afraid not to cope with the role of a husband. A deep bow to mature uncles who think about how and what they will live after the registry office. If the handsome prince is young not only with his soul, but also with his head, then waiting for an offer from him is a thankless task. Because it’s too early for him. You can, of course, sign it, but what kind of marriage it will be is a big mystery. In 99% of cases, such stories end with either a quick divorce, or a long and painful epic called “save the marriage at all costs” (there is a marriage, but no husband). Treason, by the way, has not been canceled either. The second paragraph implies that the man: Being mature, understands perfectly who and why he is looking for. That is, it was determined what qualities a woman should possess in order to be good together. To put it quite literally, we are talking about those functions that (again) in his understanding are performed by the wife. He found her. More precisely, he was convinced that this particular woman was right for him. He had enough time and opportunities to observe her and find out how she thinks and acts in different situations. If the second paragraph does not work out, then I’m sorry. In this case, he will say that he’s not ready to marry, to seek an explanation of “why not,” to waste time, but in reality all this will mean “I do not want to marry you.” These two points are mandatory but not sufficient. If it suddenly happened that a mature man and had decided on a lady of the heart, but did not propose getting married, then this could be the following: 1. She did not say that she needed it. It’s funny, but this often happens. Once upon a time she said that she didn’t want to marry, he remembered and did not offer. She has already changed her mind 10 times, but he doesn’t know. 2. He is happy with everything, and he does not see the need to change anything. This story is probably the most popular. After all, living in a protracted civil marriage is convenient. Why change what is so good? 3. He has a psychological trauma associated with the concept of “marriage”. For example, he was already married, everything ended sadly, and he made a strange conclusion that the problem was precisely in the marriage itself, and not that relations with this particular wife did not work out. In this case, he needs time to “move away” from unpleasant experiences, and then there is a possibility that he will reconsider his conclusion. If time goes on, and he can’t recover from a divorce, he needs to be treated by a psychologist, but certainly not by the woman who is in a relationship with him. But if the divorce has occurred recently and / or if the man is still emotionally attached to his ex-wife (and it is not love, but offense and anger that binds most of all), then it is likely that you are in a la plaster relationship. In this case, the likelihood of marriage is reduced, but the chance of becoming a temporary consolation / emotional toilet / psychotherapist for a man is increasing. It may be that he, for example, recalls with horror the marriage of his parents. It happens when mom and dad quietly (or loudly) hate each other, but live “for the sake of the children.” This is a great way to discourage your offspring from having a family. Be that as it may, coping with the legacy of past experience is a personal task for each of us. And only we ourselves can decide whether to change it or not. If he has such a story, and a man is afraid of close relationships – this is his business. “Heal him with your love” is impossible. It is possible to create conditions in which it will be easier for him to overcome his fears. And yes, he may never cope with it, despite all your efforts.