She loves him, but he does not: why does passion pass?
In the book of the famous psychologist Dean Delis, there are answers to all questions: why do people fall into the trap of passion, how to change wrong patterns of behavior, how to return loved ones and even revive old feelings. “Do you love me? ..” No matter what the incipient feelings turn out to be, the first sensation is the same for everyone: enthusiasm and unbridled fall into the abyss. But the enthusiastic dizziness from love does not last forever. Usually in a harmonious relationship, having experienced the initial impulse, the partners go into a phase of intimacy and warmth. But when one of the partners loves more than the other, very dangerous behaviors for relationships are activated. Everything is falling apart. And no one is safe from this. Falling in love is biochemically associated with a feeling of loss of control. Fear of rejection is the main cause of passion and a sense of danger in love. As soon as a person falls in love, there is no trace of his self-confidence. It doesn’t matter if your mother adored you or ignored you, you had a happy childhood or an unhappy one. Relationships can hurt everyone, without exception. And here the most important thing is to know how to act. Because the paradox of passion is definitely “cured”. And even after decades, you can restore your old feelings. How does the paradox of passion arise? At the beginning of most relationships, both partners experience fluctuations. Until we finally become convinced of the love of the chosen one, the opportunity to be rejected makes us feel passion and make great efforts to increase our attractiveness. However, as soon as you feel confident in the love of a partner, passion will begin to fade. If you have won you, you feel insecure, fall in love even more and begin to desperately fight for control over the relationship. Such behavior only annoys and repels a “strong” partner. Probably the best example of this paradox was cited by Leo Tolstoy in the novel Anna Karenina. Lovers – Anna and the young Count Vronsky – reach amazing heights of passion, partly because circumstances do not allow them to be together. But as soon as Anna leaves her husband, the count’s passion decreases. Anna begins to feel a sense of insecurity, turning her love into an obsession. How to understand that you are trapped? To determine if you are trapped in a passion, evaluate how these statements characterize your couple. One partner is more jealous than another. One partner usually waits for a call or the return of his half. One partner makes more efforts than another to start communication. One partner more often than another pronounces the words “I love you.” One partner is more attractive to the opposite sex than the second. One partner is less gentle than the other after physical intimacy. One partner wants to “work on relationships” more than the second. One partner usually feels that they are neglected at parties, while the other one feels constrained in the company due to the presence of the other half. One partner is more worried and uncertain about the stability of the relationship, while the second takes them for granted. One partner expresses annoyance or embarrassment at another person’s behavior. During quarrels, one partner complains about the “selfishness”, “narcissism” and “carelessness” of the other, while the latter complains about “jealousy”, “obsession” and “excessive demands”. If several of these points are about you, then an imbalance has appeared in your relationship. The more yes answers, the more harmony is broken. Chameleon people Falling madly in love, we start to please our partner too much. Here is what Dean Delis’s client says: “Jonathan was addicted to existentialism, and I bought several books on modern philosophy and began to learn material. During one of our dinners, I dropped a few phrases about Sartre, Kierkegaard, “true being,” and so on. Jonathan simply could not believe his ears. ” Without suspecting it, we accept the “coloring” of a loved one in order to demonstrate to him our ability to satisfy his needs. We are trying to be attractive to those who want to seem like a suitable couple. Sloppy people become neat, irritable – they radiate calm and peacefulness. Having decided to win someone’s heart, we determine his most serious interests, and then show that we share them. Falling in love turns us into chameleons. And this is a direct path to the wrong relationship model. And what to do?