Harmony in marriage: what do we really want?
For example, you can perceive the partner’s discontent as his personal flaw. You feel bad - that means you're hysterical / yourself to blame; your problem - you understand. In…

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Gender equality: will we succeed and get out of hand?
An Eastern woman is always and by all is defined as a dependent unit, if at all. In the minds of many, she almost never makes decisions on her own.…

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How to find a husband via the Internet? "All this jazz ..."
Suppose you spent a lot of time methodically and persistently studying virtual and real male images; became a regular in a good half of the city's drinking and coffee establishments.…

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What does it mean to “work on relationships”? Part 2

Make sure you have done your 50% job. In all possible ways. If it seems that something is missing in the pair for complete happiness, then you can “turn on” your soul mate – to do something that will help your partner make you happy. That is, take responsibility for your own happiness in your own hands. Continuation of the example about men: what if, for example, you want a new one? To realize that since there is not enough novelty, you need to do something to rediscover your woman. Maybe repainting it or changing clothes, maybe sending it to personal growth courses (another 100% will come), maybe doing something together with it that will take your breath away – that is, experience new thrills. Together. Or maybe for some time I’m not around to be bored. A million of such issues are generally resolved by Google. Do not want a routine – do not be a routine. Do what you have not done yet. The continuation of the example about women: the husband seems lethargic, passive and uninitiated, but instead of respect and interest causes a hard-restrained desire to kick him? Fine! So, you know exactly what is missing – its activity and manifestations of strength. It’s time for the most relative work: to create the conditions under which he can show these qualities. Understanding what exactly is needed and giving him the opportunity to be like that is your 50% of the work. To decide that “this is not my man” without having tried all possible options means to drag the same problem into a new love relationship. In this case, the “problem” is not a specific partner with whom “something is wrong,” but your unwillingness to strain. Nothing, live with it. And maybe even for a long time. But not happy. 5. Remember that a partner is a mirror. … And, as they say, there is nothing to blame him if the plastic surgeon was already waiting for you. This is what we often transfer problems from other spheres of life into relationships. For example, women like to complain that the husband pays little attention. Are you sure that this is a question for him at all? Look at your life. Maybe you are not satisfied with the need for communication? How many girlfriends, friends, colleagues do you want to spend evenings with? Those people you can call close? If they are not or not enough, then you can easily demand from your husband that he justly does not want to take over. Because not a single person in the world is able to satisfy absolutely all our desires. And sometimes we need others. Like Korzhavin: “You cannot replace the world, but he cannot do it either.” And if it seems to you, for example, that the husband does not you, this can easily be due to the fact that you do not respect yourself. Do not be lazy – write a list of what you can be respected for. And then write another list: how do you show respect for yourself? Of course, this also applies to men. Do you think your wife wants too much? Maybe this is due to your insecurity in your abilities and in your success. It just shows your inner state. The wife in this case is a litmus test, and nothing more. Refusing a pair is a seductive option, but the feeling of being unsuccessful will not go anywhere. You can direct energy to swearing with your wife, or you can – to new achievements at work. Choose. Blaming a partner is always nicer than admitting bankruptcy. After all, choosing the latter means hurt yourself in self-esteem. This is especially difficult for men. 6. Discard shortcuts. That is, to get acquainted with the partner again. So you decided in 10 years of marriage that “he is like that and all.” For example, that he is a sofa bore, which only eat and sleep. And you live with such an idea of ​​him. But you don’t think, this idea didn’t just come to mind – it is based on experience. On many, many unsuccessful attempts to pull him somewhere. And then suddenly you realized that you can’t live like that anymore, that it’s time to get out of the kennel. And they decided that such a person would not suit you for this task. Because “you already know him,” this book has already been read, re-read. This is the moment to get to know him again. Labels are dangerous in that, believing in this image, we do not notice how our partner is changing. And it changes every day. New impressions and new thoughts sharpen our personality, like water stone – slowly. So slowly that it’s easy not to notice. Your perception is stiff and lagging behind life. It works like that for everyone. Have you ever tried to remember the shade of a certain color? Well, for example, you have curtains hanging, and you want to pick up pillows for them on the sofa. That is, you need to remember the color of the curtains, drive to the store and find the same pillows. It will not work after all! Be sure to “miss” with a touch. This happens because our brain does not “remember” the shade, but finds the one closest to it in the catalog of “already familiar”. He is trying to fit the already known. That’s the same with relationships. Every now and then we fall into traps called “I already know him / her” and “yes, I’ve already tried (a) a million times, nothing works.”

Harmony in marriage: what do we really want?
For example, you can perceive the partner’s discontent as his personal flaw. You feel bad - that means you're hysterical / yourself to blame; your problem - you understand. In…

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The Four Horsemen of Domestic Violence: striking - means love?
The terrifying prevalence of this phenomenon suggests that the mechanisms that are triggered in the psyche of the victim are not rare and abnormal phenomena, but quite characteristic of many…

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What phrases shouldn't a man say?
Most of all men do not like the expression: “Be a man!” But every woman said these words at least once in her life. And this is a mistake. After…

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Harmony in marriage: what do we really want?
For example, you can perceive the partner’s discontent as his personal flaw. You feel bad - that means you're hysterical / yourself to blame; your problem - you understand. In…

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