Why are relationships unhappy? Six reasons to think before saying yes
Unforeseen circumstances, external pressure, complexes, fears are also capable of driving two, sometimes completely different, people under one roof. If the relationship has not passed the stage of gradual, leisurely rapprochement, the fairy tale turns into a sad past. Relationships become a “suitcase without a handle”, it’s hard to carry, and it’s a pity to leave … Could this have been avoided? Yes! If you know in advance the true reasons for your passionate desire to “get married” or “get married” and tell yourself in time: “Stop is a fake!” What leads to an unhappy relationship? 1. Flight. In families where every step is controlled, and “upbringing” is carried out through humiliation, criticism, punishment, children try to leave the parent nest as soon as possible. But there, outside the house, scary. Parent negative attitudes have already been learned. The world seems scary and ruthless. And just like that nobody will let go of the house. There is a solution – to escape to a new family, transferring responsibility for your fears to another person. Such a union is not created on the desire to become happy, but on the desire to escape from the pressure of relatives. Incorrect preconditions make marriage unhappy, filled with mutual claims and contradictions. 2. Loneliness. Not everyone is able to feel self-sufficient, successful and self-confident. Some spend a huge amount of energy to find “their soul mate.” And in most cases, this is not about love, but rather about the desire to pay off their internal conflicts. “Here comes a man who loves me and everything in my life gets better,” is the most common misconception. A person who is not able to live peacefully with himself and calmly endure loneliness cannot maintain the necessary balance between his and others’ interests. He becomes dependent on the partner and tries to keep him in every possible way, even using blackmail or suggesting guilt. 3. Immaturity. When passions rage inside and relationships are shrouded in a cloud of romance, reality recedes. True, until the pregnancy test returns the lovers to harsh reality. If the relationship is at the stage of an easy date, then many couples get confused. What to do? The former romance is replaced by alarming expectation. Real actions, inner maturity come to the fore. Fewer beautiful words and theatrical gestures. Now it’s time to think about earthly things. The reproaches are increasing: “You used to be different!” It is not surprising that almost 90% of such marriages end in divorce. 4. The society. Like it or not, in society they are more sympathetic to family people. Never been married? It’s strange. Have you been married? There is clearly something wrong with him. It’s very difficult for some people to live, constantly justifying their “unusual behavior”. Wherever a single person is, he is faced with a monotonous reaction: “well, when”, “why”, “how much can you”, “you lose a lot”, “children are the meaning of life”, “time is running out”. And how many regrets are heard from the lips of the beloved parents. Some do not stand it, choose the most acceptable option and … make themselves unhappy. 5. Past resentment. Wounded pride is capable of the most extravagant acts. It is impossible to part with the offensive past, and it continues to dictate new realities. You need to prove to yourself at all costs, but above all, to your former partner, that not everything is so bad. And the following relationships are flaunted. One partner is in the illusion that he has finally found his happiness, and the second is looking for ways to demonstrate the former “ideal life” and arranges photo shoots, posts romantic posts on social networks, at the same time tries to squeeze the new partner into his expectations, find similarities with the past. Such relationships are extremely unstable. The Avenger plays the show of a happy family life, then, being alone in the bedroom, arranges tantrums and is full of hatred for his current partner. Neither side in such relationships finds happiness. 6. Pity. There is a category of people, especially among women, which faintly distinguishes between the boundaries of love and pity. When they come across a destitute, groomed, starving man, they rush to his aid. The maternal instinct is turned on, and nothing can tear them away from their ward. Sacrificing their interests, health, wiping away tears and brushing up bruises, they can remain with an alcoholic, drug addict, tyrant all their lives. It is at first glance such a relationship seems absurd. But each of the partners draws its own benefit from them. One gets the necessary service staff, the other tries to assert itself and escape from their problems. If you are now faced with a choice and have found your option among the listed reasons – do not rush! Think about what such a relationship will give you? What are you running from, what are you afraid of? Understand your internal conflicts. What prevents you from relaxing and wishing yourself true, sincere love? If you encounter any difficulties in the search for reasons, then you can always turn to a specialist psychologist for help.