How to love your neighbor? About Manipulators and False Humility
A false understanding of humility is widespread in our society as acceptance of everything (tacit agreement with everything) and non-resistance (including evil by violence). Manipulators are happy: you can’t imagine a better way to make a conscientious person do what they need. It is enough just to tell this person that you need to be humble, accept everything as it is and do what they say, and not be an egoist who puts his interests above the interests of other people.If you rephrase this thought, then what happens? If you satisfy someone’s interests, then you are good. If your own, then you are bad. If you forget about yourself, start your own life, allowing it to turn into mossy ruins, if you lose yourself and your personality, becoming part of a faceless, not thinking, gray (and therefore well-managed) mass – honor and praise to you. If you care first of all about yourself, build your life according to your goals and values, then you are an egoist who is usually despised in our society. They often like to repeat the famous biblical phrase: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” With this in mind, for some reason, only the first part of the phrase – “Love your neighbor”, that is, care only and exclusively about your neighbor (again, what a vastness for manipulators of all stripes!). And they completely ignore the second part of this phrase – “as oneself” – the second condition, without which, in fact, it is impossible to implement the first. But if we build a logical chain based on this approach, then what will we have? And we will have the following. We must love our neighbors as ourselves. And we are forbidden to love ourselves, because to love ourselves means to be selfish and bear this shameful mark on ourselves. In order not to be selfish, we begin to neglect ourselves and our goals and interests, we stop living our lives and love ourselves. And what is the result? Since we should relate to others as we do to ourselves, and we should relate to ourselves disdainfully and with dislike (so as not to be known as egoists), then, if we follow the logic, we must also treat others with disdain and dislike. The paradox of the psychology of relationships, is not it? That is, focusing on the first part of the phrase “Love your neighbor as yourself” and the “modest” oblivion of the second is another ploy of manipulators and people who, by hook or by crook, strive for power, for managing people. It’s more convenient to manipulate, sorry for being rude, by a herd, by people who do not know how to think, love themselves, value themselves, take care of themselves. People who have killed in themselves a personality, individuality, dissimilarity. People who will blindly obey and will not want and demand anything. But what happens if we stop ignoring the second part of the phrase and start loving ourselves? Well, at least start learning how to do this? The opposite chain will unfold: If we see value in ourselves, then gradually we will learn to see it in other people (otherwise no one will want to deal with us). If we respect our interests, we will gradually learn to respect and take into account the interests of other people. If we want mutually beneficial cooperation, we will strive to surround ourselves with interesting, active, creative people (and not those who will passively obey us), and in the process of interaction they will “energize” us, with energy, ideas and others, and we with them. If we want the quality of our life to increase, we will take care of the quality of life around us (we are not living on uninhabited age, after all, and we are all connected to each other). Well and so on … So it turns out that love for other people still begins with self-love. Contrary to the desire of manipulators who, by appeals to humility (of course, false) and the need for love for one’s neighbor, strive to arouse our guilt and force us to do what they need, but which often radically contradicts our own interests. Well, you can take the first steps towards yourself by training to disagree with everything and say no.